Breaking the Cycle: I Came From It, But I’m Not Repeating It
I grew up in what most people would call a broken home.
Mentally abusive. Physically abusive. Unpredictable. Loud when it shouldn’t have been. Silent when it mattered most.
And if you’ve lived it, you know.....surviving that kind of environment isn’t for the weak.
When you grow up walking on eggshells, you learn how to read a room before you even enter it. You learn how to stay small. You learn how to regulate other people’s emotions before you even understand your own.
It changes you.
But here’s the difference:
Some people use their broken past as permission.
Permission to lash out.
Permission to stay toxic.
Permission to avoid accountability.
I chose to use mine as fuel.
Fuel to be softer with my child.
Fuel to communicate differently.
Fuel to break the patterns that almost became second nature.
Was it easy? Absolutely not.
When dysfunction is all you’ve known, healthy feels foreign. Peace can feel uncomfortable. Stability can feel suspicious. You almost wait for it to fall apart because that’s what you’re used to.
But healing is a decision you make over and over again.
I had to unlearn survival mode.
I had to sit with triggers instead of react from them.
I had to admit that what I grew up in wasn’t normal, and that I deserved better.
And more importantly, my child deserves better.
Growing up in a mentally and physically abusive home shaped me. It made me strong. It made me aware. It made me protective. It made me resilient.
But it does not get to define how I love.
It does not get to define how I parent.
It does not get to define my future.
I refuse to repeat broken cycles just because they’re familiar.
Breaking generational patterns is hard work. It’s uncomfortable. It’s lonely at times. It requires accountability and humility and a whole lot of self-reflection.
But it’s worth it.
Because one day my child will grow up and say,
“It wasn’t perfect — but it was safe.”
And that will mean everything.
If you came from chaos but are choosing peace…
If you’re unlearning what hurt you…
If you’re building something healthier than what you were handed…
I see you.
We are not our upbringing.
We are the ones brave enough to change it.